26 October–6 December
Here’s how I was walking on Friday, October 30th. This is the last walking update we recorded.
Sounds ominous, but it’s nothing terrible, really. On Monday the first of November, I had on my Exos and I bent over to pick up the end of my charging cable. Sat down, charged my computer, and thought nothing of it until I stood up again. I had tweaked my lower back and made that muscle on my left upper hip / side body unhappy again. I went for a small walk after work that day, and by the time I made it back to my front door, I realized this wasn’t a small tweak and that things hurt quite a bit. Off came the Exos, and I haven’t put them on since.
For the first few days, I had trouble reaching my toes to put on my socks. (I do this while seated with the ankle over opposite knee.) It’s that sort of back pain/spasm that makes you hold your breath. I hobbled around from furniture to furniture, and spent lots of time resting with the heating pad. “Lots of time” became a month. I can put my socks on now, but I still cannot walk normally (my version of normally).
It’s a little startling how easy it is to go from someone who walks forty minutes a day to someone who doesn’t leave the house. I didn’t leave the house for a long time, and it felt just fine. How is that possible? I mean, my back hurts, and my throat hurts, but snuggling up in bed with a book or my laptop is the thing I enjoy the most, even when I’m feeling pretty good. So that’s where I’ve been. In my bed. Or at work, in the chair at the end of my bed. My husband goes out for groceries, and PT has been interrupted by my therapist canceling and Thanksgiving. I truly have not needed to go anywhere at all.
Even though I’m at least minimally functional, I do not feel that putting on my Exos is a safe move. My lower back already feels under strain when I wear them, try as I might to use my core. And if I’m not walking well on my own, adding six pounds of bulky equipment just isn’t a good idea. I’ve come to realize my current strength and ability level isn’t quite ready to handle the Exos. It’s like giving a child a fifty-pound pack to hike with. You can tell them, “This is the perfect pack for you in one to two years.” But expecting them to function safely in it immediately isn’t realistic. Unfortunately, the only way to learn to function properly in my ExoSyms is to wear them.
I just need to approach my Exos differently. If I’m going to use them safely, I must continue to strengthen my glutes and my core. But I can do that without the Exos on. Additionally, instead of wearing my Exos all day, or several hours a day, I need to back up and start more incrementally. Twenty minutes of good, conscious effort, then take them off. It’s better if I don’t put pressure on myself to wear them all the time, or feel guilty if I don’t wear them. Yes, I’ve just lost over a month of potential progress. And yeah, it’s disappointing. But it’s also okay. These are mine now for many years to come.
Before wearing my Exos again, I need to figure out what’s going on with my back, as I’ve never had such an ongoing issue before. Injuries happen. Recovery happens, too. I have had moments of “please don’t let this be a new chronic pain,” and I finally did make a doctor’s appointment, which is tomorrow. I’m crossing my fingers that it’s something I will recover from sooner rather than later.
I still have a reasonable amount of hope that I will reach a time when the Exos make my quality of life better. Until then, I will keep meditating. And I will try to keep getting stronger. And to leave the house.
What Happened to Your Legs? 