21 July–2 August
No great revelations or fantastic progress lately.
On Tuesday, July 21st, I try breaking up my walking practice into smaller chunks throughout the day to see if I can keep the quality up instead of wearing myself out doing an hour at once. The idea is to add in more chunks, so that I’m doing higher quality walking, and more of it overall.
Turns out, I really dislike being on a schedule like that. I tried walking for ten minutes every hour. It’s ideal, really, to get up and walk around at regular intervals. I know this. But I don’t like it. I think I only did an hour total anyway. Was it better quality than doing an hour at once? Not sure.
Wednesday I have my sixth PT session. We add an exercise to my home program where I lie on my right side, legs bent at 90 degrees and lift the left leg up, keeping the foot level with the knee. This is a variation of the hated clamshell that targets the glutes. Then I move my knees farther away from my body with each one, still keeping them bent. I am supposed to hold it 5–10 seconds at a time, for a minute total. I find this exercise, while better than the clamshell, still incredibly difficult. The muscles from hip to knee on my outer thigh begin to burn almost instantly, and I barely feel it in my glutes, which is where I’m supposed to feel it the most. I am nowhere near being able to do a minute total yet. We also add a tailbone lift onto the pelvic tilts to work back toward a bridge.
I also have my second ever OT session for my wrists. The woman who worked magic with cocoa butter in June has moved to another office. The new guy uses a plastic tool, like a scraper, to massage my forearms. He gives me a series of isometric exercises to do. I am hopeful for the improvement in my neck and shoulders that I felt last time, but it does not happen.
This is what I write in my physical therapy journal after returning from PT, doing my home program (mat work), and putting my Exos back on: “So deeply tired. Any walking practice would end with me on my face.”
On Friday, July 24th, I send my fifth update video to Ryan. He is encouraging, telling me that I look good, that the pain on my left side that I’ve experienced all week should lessen as I become stronger.
I notice as I practice walking and “marching,” that the marching is becoming easier. This is something I was assigned at my first PT session on July 8th, standing with my poles and lifting up one leg and then the other (while trying not to let the hip drop). The poles did not give me enough stability to lift my knees high. Now I can do it.
Monday July 27th, I have my seventh PT session. I remove my Exos and we go over ways to improve my left leg lift to target the glute rather than the whole outer quad. I also strain my neck and shoulders with the effort. C suggests I do a different exercise when I feel my neck and shoulder tense. I try to explain that my neck and shoulders engage regardless of the exercise I’m doing. She explains that we want to undo that pattern. I understand that, but is that achievable? I feel stuck.
I notice that when I’m on my knees (as when I’m getting up from the mat after exercises at home), that’s when I can really feel my glutes engage. I also have a wider base for balance. I ask C whether it’s a good idea to do weight shifting practice on my knees. She says sure and we try some stuff out. I’m glad that sometimes I bring in ideas that she may not have thought about.
On Tuesday, I manage to put my Exos on nice and early and go for a walk outside. “Outside” has begun to loom large in my mind, and I need to make sure I practice walking both in- and outdoors. Is it that I’m in “public”? Is it that I’m alone, depending on passing strangers if I fall? Why does it feel so different? Partly mental, partly physical. I do twenty minutes, and, yup, it feels stiff and lopsided like always.
Wednesday is my eighth PT session. I put on my Exos early and go for another twenty minute walk outside first. Then my husband drives me to PT, so I already have my Exos on when I get there! A one-minute ride feels extravagant, but it’s really nice. We work on my “turn out.” I try putting my foot on a pillowcase on the smooth floor and sliding the toes outward. Go slow, and hold it there with energy. No thirty reps like with Jared during training week. It’s very apparent when I’m standing in my natural state that my toes point outward and my knee points inward. The consensus is that toes out is better than toes in (my childhood gait, pre-surgery), and that we’d like to get the knee to track better with the toes.
I don’t know how to make my knee go out there. On the right, it’s much less profound, and I can press into my Exos and move my own knee. But on the left? Nope. Another complete brain blank. How bizarre it is to be able to understand and execute something challenging on the right, and have nothing there on the left. Even within my own body, I’m unable to translate a movement from one side to the other (so far?). As you might imagine, the wonky alignment on the left puts significant pressure on my knee, which leads to some tweaking and pulling and pain. So there’s that.
In my next OT appointment, the therapist sets aside the idea that my wrist and thumb issues developed from trekking pole use and takes another tack. After I reiterate my trouble with opening jars he thinks maybe I have thumb arthritis. He tells me to use proper tools instead of straining the muscles, and gives me some “theraputty” exercises. I don’t think I have arthritis, but I’m game to work on hand strength.
I am free of PT for a couple weeks while my therapist is away, and I have graduated to once-a-week sessions when we resume.
It’s been two weeks of left upper hip/torso pain, but it is improving. Left knee tweaky. SI joints are a bit off. Practice continues.
Somehow, it’s August, and I send my sixth walking update to Ryan.
What Happened to Your Legs? 