We are in week…ten?…of state/county sheltering in place because of COVID-19. My March 30th trip to the Hanger Clinic was postponed. I can now say (again) that next month I get my ExoSyms. I am excited and nervous, exhausted and frustrated.
Remember back in December when I finally started making myself use trekking poles so that I could be used to them when I got my ExoSyms? It turned out I really liked using them, and I was walking more and feeling really good about it.
Middle of March comes around, and I realize that my right thumb and wrist are really bothered. The soreness even travels up my forearm. I had injured my hand last September/October by repeatedly lifting a heavy bin off a shelf one-handed, thumb stretched up over the lip of the bin. When I recognized this was causing a problem, I rearranged things and figured out how to use two hands without tipping myself out of my chair. But the pain lingered and showed itself in daily life. I had trouble opening jars. I love opening jars. I’m good at opening jars. It makes me feel strong and capable. Not being able to do it is scary because it’s tangible evidence that there’s really a problem.
So, I was used to my thumb hurting when I did something strenuous, but now it was hurting when I did nothing. And…my left hand hurt too. The backs of my hands ached as I fell asleep and the inside of my wrists hurt when I woke up in the morning. It had to be the poles. My unaligned posture and muscle weakness must be causing me to put extra strain on my hands and arms as I grip the poles, try as I might to use a light touch.
With sadness, I put the poles away to give my hands a rest. I used ice and heat and muscle rub and NSAIDs. I even bought a wrist brace with thumb support, knowing that it wouldn’t “fix” things, but that it would help me really go easy on my right hand. I knew I had to use the brace consistently for 4-6 weeks to expect any changes. It did seem to help with the pain sometimes.
I’m going to be honest. I left off writing the post at this juncture three weeks ago. I didn’t feel like recording the minutiae of my body and its pain anymore. But here we are, and it’s almost June so I’d better just acknowledge how things stand and be done with it.
I’ll say this: don’t google “burning forearms.” Doing so will make you worry that you might have MS. I don’t think I actually have MS, but I do probably have tendonitis in both arms. I have not made a video chat appointment with my doctor, and by now I could probably make an in-person one. I just kept waiting and hoping it would get better. Instead, both arms hurt about the same now, rather than the right being worse. And the pain has traveled up the forearms into the biceps and armpit. So, you know, I used to think I had rough days, and now I don’t have a single limb that I can trust to function properly and not hurt. It’s a lot to take mentally and emotionally. Pain is draining. New pain draining and unsettling. My nose feels good. My chin too.
I don’t know how the tendonitis will affect my use of trekking poles and learning to walk with ExoSyms. I don’t know how using trekking poles will affect my efforts to heal the tendonitis.
I would like this particular journey not to have been affected by first, a pandemic, and second, new and heretofore unknowable physical ailments. I would have liked to be able to go into my week at the Hanger Clinic energized, excited, in good shape, and in as little pain as is reasonably possible.
Instead, I am here. Tired, out of it, unfocused, sad. My eyeballs want to fall into my skull.
So, I am adjusting my hopes for the whole experience. The important thing now, I tell myself, is just to get the braces and get the training. We will work on all the rest as we can.
What Happened to Your Legs? 